Archive for the ‘Happiness’ Category
Pause for a moment. What were the thoughts running through your head a minute ago? How did that thought make you feel?
It’s very important that we fully understand the connection between our feelings and the way we feel. Did you know that we are constantly thinking? Take breathing for example. Unless we feel that we are running out of breath, we simply forget that we breathe automatically.
Thinking works the same way. Since we are always doing it, it is easy to forget that it is happening. To think is to create. Everything starts in the mind. What precedes the feeling of anger? Angry thoughts precede anger. Have you tried getting mad without having any thoughts first? Try to feel sad when you don’t have sad thoughts. It is impossible! To experience an emotion, we must first have the thought that triggers that emotion. Happiness cannot exist alone. It is the result of positive thinking. This simple awareness is the first step in putting us back on the path to find the key to happiness.
We should never underestimate the power of a simple thought. It may seem so innocent and fleeting; yet, it has energy that can cause great impact on our mind, body, and emotions.
Let us think of a lemon. Imagine cutting it in half and smelling it. Now, think about squeezing the juice from the lemon into your mouth and feel those pulp bits bursting inside. Most of us will surely feel our salivary glands responding to the thought of lemon.
Indeed, what we are thinking can greatly influence our emotions. Think of someone you love. What do you feel? Now think of someone you hate. What do you feel? We do not have to consciously change our emotions – change the direction of our thoughts and our emotions will follow immediately . Notice that when we focus our minds on positive things, we feel better, whereas when think negative thoughts, we feel bad. Positive thoughts yield positive results. These thoughts make us more loving and caring, resulting to good health, wealth, and happiness. On the other hand, negative thoughts produce negative results. These types of thoughts result to indifference, disease, fear and misery, etc. In other words, our thoughts create our reality. So be aware of the things that are going through your head. The next time you feel a little down, stop and consider what you were thinking before that feeling sets in and change it accordingly. It’s not going to happen immediately but with practice, we can control the direction our thoughts take.
Wouldn’t it be great if we can have good thoughts throughout the day?
However, that is just not possible, is it? Those negative thoughts slip in unnoticed throughout the day. Like cancer, negative thinking can kill! It can destroy and kill our whole future. Negative thoughts affect the mind, body, and emotions.
Our thoughts produce our feelings. We get angry by having angry thoughts. It is impossible to feel sad without sad thoughts. Unhappiness does not and cannot exist on its own. Unhappiness is a feeling that results from negative thinking. So how do we get rid of negative thoughts? Stop thinking about them! Our negative feelings are results of our own negative thinking. Apart from refraining to think about negative thoughts, we can turn negative thoughts into positive ones.
One effective technique is to learn a whole new set of happy words. These are words that evoke positive feelings. Other studies refer to these as “Positive Adjectives List” from The Apache Method (The Antidotal Positive Adjectives Character and Happiness Enhancement Method).
According to this particular study, which is based on Emmet Velton’s classic paper, “There has been a body of research empirically validating our ability to positively or negatively change our moods by reading phrases like “I feel very good” or “I am afraid.”
So, how do we go about dislodging thoughts of unhappiness?
1. Be aware. We have to catch ourselves when we are about to indulge in negative thinking. In the first few days, we have to be very vigilant.
2. The moment we feel the onset of an unpleasant emotion, we have to identify it as precisely as possible. Is it hatred? Hurt? Fear? Anxiety? Discontent? This is a very critical component of the process as related to the next step.
3. Search for the exact opposite of the negative emotion. Think of its antonym. For example, the moment we catch ourselves feeling “lazy,” we would call to mind an opposite adjective like ‘energetic.’ We would then say to ourselves, ‘I feel energetic. ‘ If we consider ourselves as “pessimistic”, we say “I am hopeful. ” If we feel we are “incompetent’, we say “I feel ingenious.” What do we say if we see ourselves as “unmindful”? We say, “I am grateful. ” Can we use the same method even if we do not feel any unpleasant feelings? Of course! We are encouraged to think and say to ourselves statements like ‘I feel fabulous’ to reinforce our mood, or statements like ‘I feel strong’ or ‘I feel friendly’ in order to enhance our character. Other people have their own versions of this same method. Others say it aloud in front of the mirror every morning for ten minutes for twenty-one days. Saying it aloud increases its effectiveness as it represents emotional involvement. This is the same as expressing positive affirmations and doing self-talk. Others prefer to write the statements on paper, as they become more involved “physically”.
Try it out. It doesn’t matter which way you choose to use. What’s important is that you are aware of the direction your thoughts are taking and change it. You’ll see a brighter, more positive you emerge and well on your way to finding the way to happiness.
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Most people nowadays have indeed become very unhappy and miserable. With everything that is happening around the world – natural calamities such as earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunami, etc., terrorism, and economic crisis – it would not be a surprise if people just give up hoping for a happy and bright future. It’s very easy to be unhappy when things don’t turn out the way we like . We feel angry and irritable. However, we must not dwell on these feelings too long because they can lead to problems that are more serious. But how can a person who is sick be happy when he is in pain? How can a mother and a father be happy when they do not have enough income to provide for their children’s needs? How can one find happiness when he does not even have a shelter over his head? There are many causes of unhappiness and each of them must be addressed.
Besides having poor health and insufficient income, other causes of unhappiness include:
BURNOUT AND LACK OF PRODUCTIVE WORK
The keyword is “productive” for it gives a sense of fulfillment. Without it life starts to feel empty and void of direction.
Getting physically and mentally active may help overcome unhappiness. Get involved with something worthwhile, something that will give a sense of fulfillment or achievement.
THE FEAR OF REJECTION
It hurts when people reject us. It leaves a feeling of sadness and lowers our self-esteem. There are many forms in which rejection can manifest itself. Some people express rejection by verbally saying that they do not like the person or his idea. Some express skepticism or ridicule the person presenting new ideas. Others try to form their own group and exclude those they dislike.
Rejection is also expressed non-verbally. Some adopt the closed and defensive stance and refuse to listen to ideas by re-directing the flow of conversation. The thumbs-down sign is universally understood as rejection.
If this is the case, we should try to associate with other people who will accept us for what we are. Rejection should not put an end to our efforts. We should take it as a sign to do a re-examination and try another approach.
LIVING ACCORDING TO OTHER PEOPLE’S STANDARDS
This is a very common cause of unhappiness. The people who care too much about what others think about them usually have difficulties deciding things for themselves. They live their lives according to other people’s will and expectations. It is very difficult to pursue happiness if all we do is please other people instead of ourselves.
We should be confident about ourselves . Cast fears aside. Keep in mind that other people’s deeds or words does nothing to diminish your self worth as a human being. Robert Louis Stevenson has this to say, “Don’t let your neighbor set your standards. Be yourself.” We feel joy when our self-worth rests quietly within us, not on the lips of others.
THE FEAR OF FAILURE
Failure to achieve important goals in life can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. We should set goals that are realistic and achievable in life. These goals should be meaningful to us; otherwise, we will only derive little happiness from achieving it. We should set goals for the major areas of our lives.
Start with a systematic plan to achieve goals. Begin implementing them and monitor the progress. When we start to realize our goals, our happiness will increase as well. If life is not the way we like it, that shouldn’t be cause for unhappiness. Edward de Bono has this to say, “Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and expectations.” Too many expectations can really cause unhappiness; therefore, we should try to live a simple life – with simple wants and simple needs. The more important thing is to rise above the things that pull us down and get on with our lives.
SINS AND CRIMES
Nobody is perfect. All of us commit mistakes. Some people may have unknowingly committed mistakes. However, a few people consciously live their lives in sins and immorality. These people have not fully realized the serious consequences of doing sins.
Sins and crimes are cause of unhappiness. Crime does not pay. Criminals get caught and eventually, justice catches up with them. Violence begets violence. Truly, it is difficult to find a bright future behind bars or six feet below the ground. For some who manage to get away with their crimes, guilt will most likely haunt their conscience and can cause them to feel miserable for the rest of their lives.
ALCOHOL AND DRUGS
Some people think that happiness can be attained through alcohol or drugs. Consequently, they resort to these substances thinking they can escape from the troubles and worries of life. They are dead wrong! It is like escaping from small fire to hell.
Alcohol is a mood-altering substance and is a depressant. In fact, some doctors prescribe moderate amounts of alcohol as tranquilizer or sedative. A drink or two can actually improve health and help a person to relax. However, greater quantities can be fatal. Alcohol abuse ruins both the mind and the body. Anyone who drinks too much is risking the hazards of accident caused by loss of coordination, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease and related disorders. Then you have drugs which plays a role in destroying the mental health of the user. Today we see so many forms of social ills due to drug addiction. Many cases of suicide and homicide are related to drugs.
DESTRUCTIVE CRITICISMS
These are useless acts and seldom accomplish any positive results. If we have to give feedback, we must make sure it is constructive and useful. Criticism is one of the greatest causes of limitations in our lives.
We should learn to be tolerant of the behavior of others even if it does not fit the pattern of our opinions. Learn to savor the differences between people. Imagine how dull the world would be if we all thought, spoke, and acted the same way!
If we are on the receiving end of destructive criticisms, it is normal to feel upset but we should evaluate the purpose or motive of the person who expressed his thoughts. If we are upset with people who do not have anything good to say about us, we might as well avoid them. Let us try to associate with people that naturally please us. More importantly, always keep in mind that we cannot please everybody; hence, we should not let destructive criticisms be a cause of worry and sleepless nights.
Take the time to examine your feeling. Why are you really unhappy? The key is knowing the cause. Once you know the cause, you’ll be able to work out a plan to overcome it. That is the secret to happiness.
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